fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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