i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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