I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
