I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
