I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize