You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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