She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
