the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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