i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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