who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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