and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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