ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
