you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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