she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
