DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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