If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
