New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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