everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
