remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
