It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
