I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
In America we eat man semen.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize