right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
