the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
no more duck duck goose at the bar
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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