What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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