My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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