They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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