Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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