2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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