Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
