I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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