And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
