That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
