Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
im on a boat
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