So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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