I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize