the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
