She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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