That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up under a house in Key West
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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