"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
