if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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