My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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