One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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