omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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