you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
