i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
