Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
