I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize