Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
