Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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