end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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