Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
