hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
