I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
