first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
