And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
