I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
