I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
