he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
