I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
