If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
