I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
