It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
