he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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