when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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