I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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