She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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