there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
