There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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