Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
