lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize