i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
