Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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