He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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