hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize