Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
