I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
