i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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