Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
