Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
