2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
