What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
