yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
