Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize