I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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