omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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