fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
