hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
