ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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