he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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