fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
