nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
