my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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