bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
