the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
