24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
