I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
