I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
