Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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