there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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