Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
