She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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