I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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