OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just gift wrapped bread.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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