I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
