he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
