What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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