i would punch a child for taco bell
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm really busy with my period
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