i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
