Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
