I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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