we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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