she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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