You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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