So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
