I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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