So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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