bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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