Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
